UPS Humor

[Hannie]

For those who haven't seen this posted somewhere (by me, of course), I wanted to post it here.  This has to be one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.  I wasn't sure where to post it but here goes:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one; a  reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
 review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
 an
accident.

 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right
 wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.  (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Bonkers]

 ROFLMAO.  Thanks Hannie for giving me a good laugh this morning.  
 I definitely needed one.

[sherrylynne]

That was hilarious! Thanks for posting it

[coontuffy]

Hannie, laughter is the best medicine.

Thank you for this.  I had tears coming out because I was laughing so very hard.

Each one is funnier than the next.

I was just washing some dishes and thought of a few and just burst out laughing again.  DH was accusing me of hitting the bottle and I haven't.............yet.

[Hannie]

coontuffy:  Happy to oblige.......we all have our share of sadness & laughing is good for one's soul.  This one made me laugh out loud so I really felt the need to share.  I've posted it in quite a few places.

Hope it brought a good laugh to anyone who may have needed one.......